We
are still waiting, the True Love Waits generation. I can remember in 1994,
being one of twenty-five thousand teenagers who nailed our pledges to wait until
marriage into the lawn of the National Mall in front of our nation's
capital. There were over 200,000 pledges total staked into the ground. Over twenty-one years later, I look around to see that we are forgotten.
I
made my choice to wait at the DC'94 Conference after listening to Pam Stenzel. She spoke with great conviction about things that are fuzzy to
me now, which is strange because I know I bought the cassette tape of
her talk afterwards. There was something about waiting for the one and
not giving your heart away. Virginity is the greatest gift you can give
on your wedding night, and she was proud to have waited so long. She has
even found a boyfriend who had also waited. She said that in your
thirties guys are knocking down the door to be with a virgin (not entirely true in retrospect). The funny
thing is that I am pretty sure I'm a couple years older than she was,
and the way everyone spoke at that conference, no one mentioned that the
one might not come.
I think of all the things that
have changed since then, Tinder and Ok-Cupid. Dating has a whole new
face. It is easy to find someone to go out with (swipe right), especially in a big
city like Chicago. Between my computer and other smart phone apps, I can find a
date within the twenty minutes it takes to get from work to home. Many
of us who have waited are not half bad looking.
One of my closest Christian friends recently confided that she had sex for the fist time in her 30s (I'm writing this with her permission). She was tired of waiting and felt discouraged by the prospect of not being able to meet Christian guys outside of dating websites. Church often separates genders and makes singles feel awkward about looking around the congregation. It didn't take her long to find over five dates in one week on OkCupid. he meet and began dating a guy who called himself a Christian in his profile. My Friend wanted to stay true to her conviction to stay a virgin until
marriage, but the man she was dating did not share her belief. She ended up compromising on her conviction after dating him for a few months.When I asked her why, she said it was to rid herself
of the burden of waiting. They ended up breaking up soon after having
sex. My friend said that she realized she had to make a decision. She
felt she could not continue in this type of relationship and still
remain close to God.
Where is the church now? DC Talk rapped I Don't Want it in the 1990s.
Chasity rings were everywhere. There were key chains and tee shirts
championing the True Love Waits movement. The truth is, that the movement failed
us. They gave us statistics and told stories about why we should wait,
but disappeared when we were old enough to marry. Waiting is for more
than teenagers, and it is about more than finding your future spouse.
In a recent conversation over the phone my mother gave me permission to have sex before
marriage (awkward). This is a far cry from the mom who sent me to DC'94 in the
first place. I am not sure what it is? When you are young your parents worry that
you will get pregnant. When you get older they worry that there is not
enough time to have children. Suddenly my standards for finding the
right one are too high, but the truth is that these are not my
standards, they are God's standards (Proverbs 31).
I am thankful that the True Love Waits moment
taught me the value of my virginity, but that alone is not sustainable.
As I explained to my mom, I am not waiting for a husband any more. I am
waiting because I am obedient to the will of God. I am waiting because I
love Him, trust Him and want to demonstrate that with my life. True
Love Waits got me started, but focusing on marriage is not enough in the
long run. There is no point to waiting unless it is on Him.
I am petitioning the church for help. Do not forget about us! We still need you.  |
| "Thumbs up for absence!"-DC Talk |
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